Family is a central part of most people’s lives, but when family relationships are strained, it can bring immense pain and grief. Lack of family support can play a huge role in many aspects of a person’s life, including their mental health.
The topic of family estrangement has historically been understudied and under researched. Because all scenarios are unique, it’s difficult to compare different people’s experiences. Family estrangement, however, is surprisingly common, and it’s important to be aware of the ways it can affect you or someone you know.
Understanding Estrangement
Estrangement is defined as no longer being on friendly terms with a person or group of people – usually someone you were previously close with. According to some studies, as many as one in four people are estranged from at least one family member. 1 Causes of family estrangement vary greatly depending on the situation and people involved. However, there are some common factors that often play a role.
- Unresolved issues: When families have issues that have been swept under the rug for years, this can cause a deep rift. Examples are significant life changes that occurred in the family (such as divorce) or persistent emotional issues (such as pressure or favoritism) that were never addressed.
- Generational trauma: Trauma can sometimes be passed down from one generation to the next. This creates a cycle that is hard to break.
- Differences in lifestyle or beliefs: People change as they grow. These changes can lead to different views or beliefs. Other family members may feel threatened or uncomfortable with these differences. This can cause conflict in relationships.
- Addiction or abuse: In some extreme situations, such as addiction or abuse, estrangement may be necessary for the safety of you and others.
Estrangement and Suicidal Ideation: The Connection
Family estrangement results in many complicated feelings. It’s no surprise that it has a negative impact on a person’s life, contributing to higher levels of depression. 2 Suicidal ideation can result from these depressed feelings combined with other emotions and struggles that build up over time.
Isolation and rejection are two common feelings people facing family estrangement may experience. Being left without the support of someone you’ve grown up with can be a challenging shift. It also makes joyful seasons, like holidays or family celebrations, become complicated, painful, and lonely for those left out.
Guilt is another challenging feeling. In some situations, the person who has been estranged is left wondering if they could have prevented the situation. They may be blamed by family members for causing the problem in the first place.
If someone needs to distance themselves from a family member for safety, they might feel guilty. They may struggle with not being able to help that person. These feelings can be tough when you have a family member with a serious addiction. It is hard when they refuse to get help.
Additional Risk Factors
Family estrangement can cause strong negative feelings. However, it’s also important to think about other risk factors. These factors may be present when someone is having thoughts of suicide.
People with a history of mental health issues are at higher risk. This also includes those who feel socially isolated.
Having a history of unhealthy coping methods, like using drugs and alcohol, can also lead to thoughts of suicide. Community and social factors can also play a role. For example, there may be a stigma around seeking help. People might also have limited access to mental health resources. 3
Support Beyond Family
When someone is dealing with family estrangement, it’s important for them to find outlets for support, whether it be friends or support groups in their community. Having people to turn to during both tough times and joyous moments is essential to maintaining mental well-being and fostering a sense of motivation and purpose.
Therapy is also crucial when dealing with family estrangement. A therapist can help you untangle the layers of complicated and conflicting emotions you may be experiencing as well as help you learn healthy coping skills.
Moving Forward
Not every instance of family estrangement is permanent. Sometimes, it can be possible to find reconciliation and healing. This usually happens gradually through small steps of communication with clear boundaries from both parties. Working with a family therapist can be helpful when mending these relationships.
However, not every scenario benefits from finding a resolution. There are times when estrangement is permanent, whether by your choice or someone else’s. In these instances, speaking with a therapist can be helpful in learning to grieve, accept the situation, and move forward.
Family estrangement is incredibly complex and can leave lasting impacts. When estrangement leads to suicidal ideation, it’s crucial to seek help or recognize the warning signs in others who are struggling. Healing and recovery are possible through avenues such as therapy and support groups. If you or someone you know is struggling, reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.